I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
