Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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