Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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