i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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