I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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