Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
