The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
