Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
