we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
