I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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