So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The air was thick with penises
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
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