i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
