Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
