Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
