32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
