thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
