Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
