He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
