can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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