i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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