i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
