gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I want a musical about memes.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
