I heard we made out
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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