come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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