The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
