I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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