And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
