it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
