its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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