My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
