My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
