He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
