I haven't been this sober since birth.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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