i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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