Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
