In the future we'll all be gay
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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