Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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