is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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