Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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