Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
