so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
