He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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