Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize