I can tuck mytits in my pants
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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