he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
