I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Houston, we have a squirter
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
