if you like me you must not know who I am
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
