He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
