She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize