pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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