So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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