2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
