why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
