so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
