I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
home. puking in laundry basket.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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