Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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