i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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