I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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