Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
