So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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