Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize