People with herpes should wear stickers.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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