I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
