I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
