Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
