I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
