i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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