He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
