his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
