I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
