Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There r osticjed everywhere
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
