Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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