I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize