I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
