Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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