Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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