You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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