im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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