I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
