I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
