Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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