Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
