Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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