Me too!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize