so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
