If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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