I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
