So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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