there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
