i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
