i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
