I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
