i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it glows. i had to have it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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