"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
