i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
