he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
