Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
